The Most Wonderful Holiday Adventure Ever
by LemonadeFestival
Summary: Gensokyo freezes over. Humor, a bit of memes, and some OOC. Also, crack pairings that are as inconsistant as the plot. This story almost as twisted as me. How do you like the cover art? This fine work of f**kery is Rated M for curse words, awkward nudity, implied alcohol usage, nightmares, gore, etc. You know, all that fun stuff. And really, what is with the chapter names?
1. Flan's

A/N: I Wanted to give this a horror genera, but I decided otherwise since the horror elements of it were minor.

"The strongest"

"I know"

"She said she was the goddamn strongest!" Repeated the red haired woman.

"Yes, I realize it was bad. Yes, I know it's cold." Replied the maid, "but right now we have to focus on keeping the mistress and her sister alive and warm!"

_17 minutes earlier…_

It was the night of Byakuren Day, and all through the house, not a creature stirred not even a mouse.

"Chiiiinnaaaaahh!" Cried Flandre, tears falling down her cheeks as she ran up to give the gate guard a hug.

Meiling winced as the little vampire embraced her in a literally bone crushing hug.

"There there flan-chan." Cooed Meiling, "Tell me what's wrong."

"I wet the bed…"

Meiling reassured Flandre that it wasn't her fault, and began to lead her to lead her to the mistress.

"Would you like to sleep with your sister tonight?"

There was no answer.

"flan?"

Meiling looked down. Flandre was lying on the ground in a pool of blood.

"No!" Shouted Meiling.

She reached to pick up the body, but the little vampire faded to dust in her hands.

Meiling woke up with a gasp.

A dream. It was just a bad dream.

"Unnngghhh….Remelia? Is that you?" Said a sleepy voice next to her.

_What._

"Go back to sleep…" Said the voice.

"What the fuck Sakuya? What the hell are you doing in my bed?" Shouted the confused gate guard

"China? Where the…?" Said Sakuya, now rising from her sleep.

The maid's eyes widened as she realized exactly where she was.

The two women screamed and subsequently fell out of the bed.

"W-w-w-wu-wuh-w-What happened last night!?" Screamed Sakuya

"I don't know! I don't know!" Shouted Meiling

"Why are you in my bed?"

"Did we….?"

The gatekeeper looked down. You see, there are a few things Hong Meiling did not approve of. Sleeping without clothes was one of them (What if they had to get up and get water?). It was one of the many things she disliked about Sakuya's habits, however, this preference of hers begged the question:

"Why the hell am I naked!?"

"Let's just forget his ever happened, alright?"

"Alright."

The two women returned to their separate rooms and got dressed, when they heard a voice yell from outside.

"Eye'm the strongest!"

Without warning, a wave of freezing cold air hit the mansion.

As if of one mind, Meiling and Sakuya dashed out of their rooms and met in the hall, making sure to grab their coats on the way out.  
"Will somebody please explain to me what the fuck just happened?" Yelled Meiling over the howling cold gale.

"It doesn't matter! We need to get out of here!" Replied Sakuya, her usually calm façade now broken by the sudden crisis.

Elsewhere in the mansion, Remelia, still in her nightwear, jetted through the mansion's hallways. Her mind was focused on one thing: Finding her sister.

_I can't believe I'm doing this. I have no other choice, but brining her out would be a massive problem._

She finally found the small blonde, who had trapped in the meat locker, her skin now even more pale than usual.

_Typical Flandre. _

She tore the door aside, lifted her sister into her arms and raced out of the mansion. After grabbing coats for the two of them, she raced back down the hallway and back to her room, for taking the route to the large double doors that marked the entry to the mansion would take far too long. She opened the door to the balcony, but stopped and stared in absolute horror at the sight in front of her. Ice spread across the whole of gensokyo. It ran over the mountains and forest, even the crunchy snow outside had now been frozen solid.

As she was about to fly out, another wave of cold hit them, the concussive force shattering the balcony below their feet. Remelia tried to fly, but the snow and ice on the roof weighed her down. Slowly but surely, she succumbed to a cold, dark, embrace.


	2. Never

"Hey Meiling!" Shouted Sakuya, running as best she could through the snow

"What is it? Did you find food? The mistresses are rather hungry." Said the gate guard

"Sadly, No. I was just at Kourindou to see if I could get anything useful, but all I managed to get a…computer, I think that's what it's called. I also got a generator to power it."

"Where is it?"

"Too heavy. I had to leave it behind."

"Do you have an idea of what its use was?"

"It lets you…well…It's' kind of hard to explain" Replied Sakuya,"I found a weird thing on it. It works like a moving picture."

"What do you think it's called?"

"Um…I think it was called…"something something's Heart-Throbbing Adventure"." Said the maid, "And it got me thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"About you"

Meiling blushed.

_Heart-throbbing adventure sounds like a cheesy romance novel. Is she coming on to me?_

"Sakuya, we've worked for years together. Do you really think of me…_that way_?" Asked the guard, unsure of what she was hearing.

"Um….yeah…I mean no…I mean-"

"Well, I'm sorry Sakuya. I don't really swing that way. Please don't hate me."

Sakuya's face turned pale. Suddenly a large grin spread across the maid's face.

"I don't hate you. I have nothing but love for you!" Said a teary eyed Sakuya, still smiling

The sight was a little offsetting, if not downright creepy.

"Sakuya…"

"Nonono… I understand." Said the heartbroken maid, "I guess if you will not share your heart, I must take it by force."

Sakuya leaped forward, and planted a rough kiss on Meiling's lips. The two of them fell onto snow.

"What the hell!"  
_  
_Sakuya tore off Meiling's top, then reached for her own, but instead of undoing it, she pulled out a knife raised it to Meiling's now exposed left breast.

"You know, you have a beautiful chest *Mei-Mei. It's quite the shame that I have to ruin it."

She then dug the knife deep into Meiling's bare skin, eventually cleaving off the youkai's mammary gland. She forcibly held Meiling down, dropped the knife, then kissed and licked the severed breast. The injured guard cried, squirmed, and shouted for help, but nobody answered. Nobody heard her. There was no way out.

Sakuya tossed aside the severed lump of flesh, picked up her knife, then proceeded to cut and hack through the gate guard's exposed muscles and ribcage. Finally Sakuya reached for the guard's beating heart, the one thing that the maid desired most of all…

*** If you don't get the joke, meimei is chinese for "younger sister". Also, Meiling is also known as China… So… Yeah… **

**A/N: I'll update when I'm not so sleepy. Also, I urge you to watch Koishi's heart throbbing adventure. Bye now!**


End file.
